no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
