Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
