How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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