no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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