You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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