Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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