This girl is more easily done than said...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
