I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
