i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think my fart just growled at me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
