Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
