the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
