just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
