I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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