I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
