do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
