who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dear god my vagina.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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