Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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