He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
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I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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