I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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