i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
