there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Randomize
