Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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