i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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