On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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