It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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