Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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