Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
