i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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