I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
