Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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