So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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