What did we do last night that was yellow?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
