you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
