i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
