im drinking this country out of the recession.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
