Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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