I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
