I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
