i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
