I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
