he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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