Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
