I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
