we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
