And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
