you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
