the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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