Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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