whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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