The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
