Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
