I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
