Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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