sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Randomize
