i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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