My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
