i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
