A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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