he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
