she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sober January is a disaster.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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