i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
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I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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