i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I love having hate sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
