Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
