Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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