My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
