you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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