Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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