Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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