u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
