just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
