She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
