I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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