we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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