You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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