So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
