how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
