My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
