if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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